Saturday, February 25, 2012

Why So Hateful?

This is something that has bothered me for years, so I'm dedicating a blog post (or two) to the subject. I will preface by saying that I have no interest for any hateful, demeaning, or rude comments on this post. I am open to questions, in fact I welcome them, but have no intention of leaving anything hateful up to be read by anyone. Please do your best to be respectful when replying to this. Don't waste your time or mine with your hostility. 

Why are human beings so hard on one another? This is especially true about mothers. I've seen it time and time again, especially on the Internet, that moms find pleasure (or something, there's got to be a reason) in tearing each other apart. Be it the breast/bottle feeding debate or any other, moms can be really rude and disrespectful of one another's parenting choices. Since we are all of one sisterhood, why aren't we more compassionate? Aren't we all trying our hardest at making the best decisions for our family?

As a side note, of course I am talking about parents who truly are doing their best. This category does not include the abusive and neglectful parents of the world, who are not giving their child the best and what they deserve. Make no mistake about who I am speaking of.

I am one of "those women" who have made parenting and lifestyle decisions that haven't fit society's view of "normal". I have come to these conclusions and made my choices based on research from reliable sources, prayer, discussions, asking questions, getting input from my husband, and good old-fashioned instincts. Every serious decision has been made painstakingly with many, many hours devoted and sometimes with many tears and sleepless nights as well. Make no mistake, I have not taken these lightly. I have had terrible, unspeakable things said to me both in real life and online for these choices. From extended breastfeeding to co-sleeping to homeschooling and many things in between, everyone has an opinion and they have no problem telling me theirs; sometimes in the most arrogant, judgmental, and contemptuous way they can. Why so much hatred? Just because my research led me to a different decision than you, why does that make me wrong? I don't think it makes you wrong that you're doing what you think is right, so why am I not afforded the same courtesy?

I pride myself on being informed and not being ignorant to anything that matters to me. It's one of my best qualities and part of what makes me, me. I stand by my decisions. I always say to make a choice and own it, and that I do. I am confident in the choices I've made and know, beyond a shadow of doubt, that they were what's best for my family. This is all I want for others. If you have made educated and informed decisions for your family, and your conclusions were not the same as mine, then good for you. Being informed is always right. Being secure in what you know and in your life and your family is essential to being happy, and if you are secure and confident in what you've chosen, then why the need to tear others down?

Now, I always welcome respectful opposition. In my opinion, opposition threatens ignorance. If I've made a decision and someone brings up a point I hadn't thought of or never came across, it's always good to re-evaluate with new evidence or opinions. Ignorance isn't, actually, bliss and adversity helps teach me and helps me evolve. I know that most people in the world, heck most people I know, don't agree with me and I welcome respectful discussions. I always enjoy a spirited, courteous debate.

This standpoint rolls over into my views about Christianity. I'm not a religion-pusher so I'm not going into that here, but if you're interested, you can see that post here.

No two people are the same, and that's the beauty of life. If we were all walking around looking, acting, feeling and believing the same things, the world would be so boring. This is what's brilliant about humanity and society, we are constantly growing and changing. I doubt anyone is the same now as they were 10 years ago, unless you are just not trying or don't care. Or, I suppose, you could already know everything, and then kudos to you (note the sarcasm). I welcome change and am constantly working to improve myself and I appreciate others who are doing the same. 

In closing, I just truly wish that others would use their resources, talents, and voice to do something worthwhile with their lives. Instead of pushing your beliefs on someone who disagrees, why don't you help by respectfully sharing information with someone who is struggling? Instead of advocating so hard against a person or group of people, why not advocate for someone or a group of people who need it? Wouldn't it make people happier to not spread such hate? Maybe then the world would be a better place.

Basically, what it all boils down to is...


  1. I have had very hateful things said to me on the way I choose to work with J on his issues. I get lectured on not medicating him, or denying him certain foods and such. I have never understood why women and mothers are so hateful of each other and their decisions.

  2. Agreed. It seems as though any time you aren't doing what the majority is, you must be a terrible mother. I wish others could be more open-minded.


Remember Thumper's Mom: If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!